Monthly Archives: November 2011

Newt & Callista Gringrich, Creatures from the Deep

For starters, I’m posting a song here, apropos of nothing. Just click the link here – Death Letter3 final edit22 –  to play and it will open in a new window. It’s another little demo I did here in my tiny office studio. Any day now, I will have an actual music player on this page. Anyway, I hope you like my version. I’m no guitar virtuoso, I’m just a character.

Politics is theater, I reckon, and some people in it are just bad actors.

Let’s be honest, I have never liked Newt Gingrich. He’s a blowhard, a liar, a greedy bottom-feeding piece of slime. And those are the nicest things I can think of to say. He’s also one of the most desperate politicians in America. Whenever I see Newt, I flash back to that scene in The Maltese Falcon, where Joel Cairo, played by Peter Lorre, blows up at big, fat, conniving Casper Gutman, played by Sidney Greenstreet, and screams, “You fathead! You, you bloated IMBECILE…!!!! etc., etc.”

Last week, when I posted the photo of Newt with the caption “Newt after strangling a puppy,” it wasn’t just meanness on my part; he really has demonstrated that he will say absolutely anything to make more money, have his ego and bank account inflated, and make sure this country is strip-mined into something resembling the dark ages, but with more giant limos and other really cool stuff for rich people.

So I have collected a few more interesting images of Newt and his wife, Callista, just so you can ponder more deeply the strange nightmare of having Newt Gringrich as president of the United States of America, instead of Barack Obama. Just in case you were thinking of not voting next November.

Just read this article on Newt Gingrich in The Fix. Rep. Barney Frank (D-Mass.) was never known for holding his fire, and in a press conference announcing his retirement the liberal lawmaker saved some of his most memorable barbs for former House speaker and now presidential candidate Newt Gingrich.

“I did not think I lived a good enough life to see Newt Gingrich as the Republican nominee,” the 30-year House veteran said. “He would be the best thing to happen to Democrats since Barry Goldwater … It’s still unlikely, but I have hopes.”

The pair have been snapping at each other since the 1980s, when Gingrich was rising to power in Congress and Frank was among the Democrats trying to cut him down. For years, Frank has blamed Gingrich for the partisan divide on Capitol Hill.

A fresh battle started brewing between the two ex-colleagues when in a an October presidential debate, Gingrich said that the former House Financial Services chairman deserved to be jailed, along with former Sen. Chris Dodd (D-Conn.), over the financial crisis, saying, “Look at the lobbyists he was close to at, at, at, uh at, uh, Freddie Mac.”

Frank returned fire after reports that Gingrich received hefty consulting fees from Freddie Mac after leaving Congress, calling him “a man with no ethical core whatsoever.” Frank later added that Gingrich was a “lobbyist and liar,” as well as “fundamentally intellectually dishonest.”

But the enmity between the two men goes back way farther than that. It appears to date to at least 1989, when a Gingrich aide spread rumors about the sex life of then-Speaker of the House Thomas Foley (D-Wash.). Gingrich said then that the aide, Karen Van Brocklin, was no longer allowed to speak to reporters.

“There are a lot of people in Washington who would consider that a
perk, not a punishment,” Frank responded.

Gingrich had just helped oust the previous speaker of the House, Jim Wright (D-Texas), a power play that helped him win a leadership position in the House GOP.

“Newt has made a career out of attacking people around here and trying to rip them apart,” Frank told the New York Times.

In 1990, when the House Ethics Committee recommended that Frank be reprimanded over a scandal involving a prostitution ring run by the Democratic lawmaker’s live-in boyfriend, Gingrich pushed (unsuccessfully) for the stiffer punishment of censure

Over the years, the two continued to clash. When Gingrich opposed job protections for gay workers, Frank called him “one of the most energetic homophobics” in Congress. He repeatedly questioned Gingrich’s use of parliamentary tactics as speaker.

In a 1995 speech to the Republican National Committee, Gingrich declared: “Barney Frank hates me.”

Frank told Mother Jones that same year, “I despise Gingrich because of the negative effect he has had on American politics.”

He elaborated to biographer Stuart Weisberg, saying Gingrich had helped destroy bipartisan cooperation in the House and was “the meanest and most destructive political figure I have ever seen.”

The fact that Gingrich was easily offended, “the thinnest-skinned character assassin I ever met,” Frank added, “just encouraged me to keep going after him.”

So maybe even retirement won’t make him stop.

Rep. Barney Frank (D-Mass.) was never known for holding his fire, and in a press conference announcing his retirement the liberal lawmaker saved some of his most memorable barbs for former House speaker and now presidential candidate Newt Gingrich.“I did not think I lived a good enough life to see Newt Gingrich as the Republican nominee,” the 30-year House veteran said. “He would be the best thing to happen to Democrats since Barry Goldwater … It’s still unlikely, but I have hopes.”The pair have been snapping at each other since the 1980s, when Gingrich was rising to power in Congress and Frank was among the Democrats trying to cut him down. For years, Frank has blamed Gingrich for the partisan divide on Capitol Hill.A fresh battle started brewing between the two ex-colleagues when in a an October presidential debate, Gingrich said that the former House Financial Services chairman deserved to be jailed, along with former Sen. Chris Dodd (D-Conn.), over the financial crisis, saying, “Look at the lobbyists he was close to at, at, at, uh at, uh, Freddie Mac.”Frank returned fire after reports that Gingrich received hefty consulting fees from Freddie Mac after leaving Congress, calling him “a man with no ethical core whatsoever.” Frank later added that Gingrich was a “lobbyist and liar,” as well as “fundamentally intellectually dishonest.”

But the enmity between the two men goes back way farther than that. It appears to date to at least 1989, when a Gingrich aide spread rumors about the sex life of then-Speaker of the House Thomas Foley (D-Wash.). Gingrich said then that the aide, Karen Van Brocklin, was no longer allowed to speak to reporters.

“There are a lot of people in Washington who would consider that aperk, not a punishment,” Frank responded.

Gingrich had just helped oust the previous speaker of the House, Jim Wright (D-Texas), a power play that helped him win a leadership position in the House GOP.

“Newt has made a career out of attacking people around here and trying to rip them apart,” Frank told the New York Times.

In 1990, when the House Ethics Committee recommended that Frank be reprimanded over a scandal involving a prostitution ring run by the Democratic lawmaker’s live-in boyfriend, Gingrich pushed (unsuccessfully) for the stiffer punishment of censure

Over the years, the two continued to clash. When Gingrich opposed job protections for gay workers, Frank called him “one of the most energetic homophobics” in Congress. He repeatedly questioned Gingrich’s use of parliamentary tactics as speaker.

In a 1995 speech to the Republican National Committee, Gingrich declared: “Barney Frank hates me.”

Frank told Mother Jones that same year, “I despise Gingrich because of the negative effect he has had on American politics.”

He elaborated to biographer Stuart Weisberg, saying Gingrich had helped destroy bipartisan cooperation in the House and was “the meanest and most destructive political figure I have ever seen.”

The fact that Gingrich was easily offended, “the thinnest-skinned character assassin I ever met,” Frank added, “just encouraged me to keep going after him.”

So maybe even retirement won’t make him stop.

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SURREALISM SURROUNDS US

Reality is here, staring you in the face, announcing its crazy dream. Yes, there is no way to interpret the 2012 GOP candidates as anything but contemporary dadaists. “Clown Car” is fabulous, but it only goes so far, only touches the air just above the skin of the truth. Theirs is not a political campaign or a movement but a performance piece. Agitprop. Think of them as traveling circus freaks.

How else to explain a parade of fatsos and blowhards whose primary efforts to distinguish themselves from their rival clowns is to be even more repulsively extreme? Herman Cain brags that he doesn’t have time to bother with learning third grade geography, not to mention the leader of Ubekistan (or “Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan”), and as President, he would be far too busy to ready any legislation over three pages long. “We need a leader, not a reader,” he says. No snappy retorts are necessary from your correspondent. Rick Perry wants to dismantle the federal government but lacks the mental horsepower to count to three, and he has bullish advice on foreign policy, suggesting a no-fly zone over Syria, based primarily on his expertise with the Confederate Air Force. Newt Gingrich… oh, Lord, do we have to discuss that bloated island of malevolence and hypocrisy and new age fascist demagoguery? We have noticed that during the course of each GOP debate, the flabby blimp that is Newt Gingrich inflates another ten or fifteen pounds. He juts out his chin during speech because he thinks it looks statesmanlike, emulating other great statesmen like Mussolini, but primarily because it reduces the number of chins from four to only two and one half. Newt’s background in foreign policy is only slightly enhanced by the fact that he is currently married to an extraterrestrial. It is not widely known that a special variance was required under DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) to allow a marriage between an extraterrestrial and a zombie. But of course, we all knew that the parade of slapstick misogynists riding around clobbering mailboxes in that GOP clown car are all, without a doubt, undead in the deadest possible way, not the cute, sexy way of the vampire or loup garou (Fr. for werewolf). How else to explain their brainless persistence? They keep coming, plying their sociopathic little minstrel show, screaming that we MUST BOMB IRAN RIGHT NOW… or anybody else who is not currently under attack by US forces, because that is after all the basis of US foreign policy as envisioned by our Founding Fathers, such as George Washington and Thomas Jefferson, who, as Michele Bachmann reminds us, worked TIRELESSLY TO ABOLISH SLAVERY, somehow, in the 1700s, or was it the 1600s, as Rick Perry recently said, that we fought the Civil War… But I digress. Herman Cain also, in an intellectual assertion that must have truly tested his zombie IQ, reminded us that one of the great difficulties in going to war against Iran is that country’s mountainous terrain. (see image above)

And actually, this entire post has turned out to be, somehow, a weird digression. I meant to tell you that, following up to last week’s post of my musical version of Lorca’s “Unfaithful Wife / La Casada Infiel,” I am working on yet another Lorca project, and this has led me into a weird and wonderful new wilderness, which I will describe later. All things are connected. The dadaism of the GOP candidates, our recent trip to Houston’s Fine Arts museum to see King Tut which was, sorry to say, rather anti-climactic, but their Moderne collection is always worth another view, and their Joan Miro is practically worth the drive all by itself, and I have been collecting more Arthur Cravan material, which I will present to you later (Cravan being the nephew of Oscar Wilde, a poet provocateur, pro to-Dadaist, mystery man, “Poet & Pugilist,” publisher, and, no doubt about it, the first punk rocker in history. And so all this surrealism has been much on my mind lately, and I feel kinda like a new man. More than you wanted to know about me, probably, and in the future I’ll try to be more objective. The other thing I wanted to mention is that I’ll be revamping this site just slightly in the near future, with my great friend and digital guru, Nettie Hartsock, soon to begin her service as a chaplain, which I am thrilled to hear. And anyway, we’ll be adding a music player to this site, which will free us of the insidious tyranny of Reverbnation. Anyhow, happy Thanksgiving weekend.

Oh, but wait, there’s more. Notwithstanding these comments re GOP-zombieism, my previous assertions (GOP DEBATES SHOULD BE REPLACED WITH PUMPKIN CHUNK CONTEST and WHO SAID RICK PERRY IS A WHITE TRASH SLACKER) still stand. And more proof that Newt is a zombie, when he said that Occupy protestors should “Go get a job right after you take a bath,” he was dropping an obvious clue that he had just awoken from the late sixties, when “Love it or Leave it” was supposed to shut up critics of the Vietnam war and Merle Haggard was enjoying a huge hit with “Okie from Muskogee.” Sadly, Newt and the other GOP zombies missed the memo about that song being regarded by its author as a tongue-in-cheek bit of sarcasm, NOT meant to be taken seriously. MUCH LIKE THE GOP CANDIDATES, I MIGHT ADD!!! Sorry for shouting. Too much caffeine this morning.

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Garcia Lorca’s “Unfaithful Wife,” plus GarageBand

I’ve been working on new song, by me and Lorca,

I’m posting another song here, to tide you over. Click the title to play NATURE (WILL FIND YOU OUT).

UPDATE: The song was “Unfaithful Wife (La Casada Infiel)” and I sang it in alternating Spanish/English. I posted a preview, but since I don’t have permission from the Lorca estate yet, I’ve taken it down and will wait until I have permission (fingers crossed here) and a music player (still working on that) to put it up again. Next, I started working on some other works by Garcia Lorca, starting with THE BIG ONE: “Sonambulist Ballad (Romance Sonambula).” This activity has really energized me.

So, here’s what happened. Bryan Ferry came to me in a dream. Knocked on the door, looking impeccable as usual, smoking a cigarette, which I insisted he extinguish. He said, “So I hear you’ve been obsessed with Lorca again. I’m here to help.” I said, “Yes, of course, I’ve been a Lorca fan ever since my freshman English teacher in high school had me read ‘Somnambulist Ballad’ in UIL competition. I suspect it was planting some kind of program in my brain that would blossom later, after I was sophisticated enough to understand it.” Bryan said, “I heard that, bro. But you’re recording his poem ‘Unfaithful Wife,’ and as you know, that’s where I live, dude. Unrequited love and all that.” Yes, Bryan, you know I’ve always been a huge, huge fan, and you probably never heard of it, but in my extreme Bryan Ferry period, I had a band called Secret Six. But never mind that. Yes, I am recording that poem, in a Spanglish version. But sorry to tell you you may have wasted a trip, unless you dropped by for some Scotch Whisky.” The disappointed look on Bryan’s face was heartbreaking, like a sink hole in Avalon. “Listen, Bryan,” I said, “I think I’ve got it covered. Just let me know if I need to crank the bass down a notch. I have a tendency to overdo that.” He said, “Sure, bro. Comprendo.”

Here’s my version of the lyrics. I cut a few lines and a couple of them are not strict translations of the original. All rights to the work of Federico Garcia Lorca, the greatest poet of the 20th century, are administered by Fundación Federico García Lorca.

La casada infiel (The Unfaithful Wife)

By  Federico Garcia Lorca

Y que yo me la llevé al río

creyendo que era mozuela,

pero tenía marido.

So I took her to the river

thinking she was virgin,

but it seems she had a husband.

Fué la noche de Santiago

& it was just one of those things

they turn down the lanterns

& the crickets fire up their orchestras.

En las últimas esquinas

I touched her sleeping breasts,

They awoke for me de pronto

Like a bouquet of roses

The starch in her petticoat

sang a song in my ears

como una pieza de seda

rasgada por diez cuchillos.

Pasadas las zarzamoras,

los juncos y los espinos,

under her mane of hair

I made a bed for us in the sand

Yo me quité la corbata.

She took off her skirt.

I, my belt with the revolver.

She removed four petticoats.

Ni nardo ni cah-rah--lahs

tienen el cutis tan fino,

not even the moon above us

shines any brighter

her thighs tried to escape me

como peces sorprendidos,

one was made of fire

one was made of ice

Aquella noche corrí

el mejor de los caminos,

mounted on a pearl white pony

without bridle, without stirrups.

No quiero decir, por hombre,

The things that she said to me

The light of the morning after

me hace ser muy comedido.

with dirty kisses and sand

I took her from the river

Con el aire se batían

las espadas de los lirios.

Perhaps you disapprove of me

But this is the way of the gypsy.

I bought her a sewing basket

made of straw-colored satin,

And I could never love her

Because she had a husband

But she told me she was a virgin

When I took her to the river.

y no quise enamorarme

porque teniendo marido

me dijo que era mozuela

cuando la llevaba del río.

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Who said “RICK PERRY IS A WHITE TRASH SLACKER”

“He never had to really work for anything.”

How do we know Rick Perry is spreading racist propaganda? His mouth is open.

That’s what Rick Perry says of Barack Obama. Did he say, “The President of the USA is a lazy n-word”? No. But he wants you to think that. Just like he wanted to thrill the nuvo-Confederates by teasing about seceding from the US, now that we have a black president.

I did not say that Rick Perry is a dumb, uneducated, brain-damaged, white trash slacker who couldn’t spell cat if you spotted him the first and last letter. No. I didn’t say he has no soul, can’t dance, can’t sing, has no empathy, no imagination, no future, because he’s white, dumb, ill-educated, unsophisticated and stupid and hateful. No, I didn’t say that.

But maybe he deserves a taste of his own medicine.

Here he goes, trying his little tricks. He’s a desperate man. Stay tuned for more moronic, last-ditch attempts to reshape America into his own Neanderthal image. The original link to the story is <a href="Here’s a story you should read. “>here.

Gov. Rick Perry on Wednesday night said President Barack Obama “grew up in a privileged way” and that America’s foreign policy reputation has suffered because of the president’s “mentality that he’s the smartest guy in the room.”
“It reveals to me that he grew up in a privileged way,” Perry said of Obama when asked by host FOX News host Sean Hannity to comment on the president’s recent comment that American business interests have been “lazy” in their approach to the global economy. “He never had to really work for anything.”

Brian Snyder/Reuters
Republican presidential candidate and Texas Gov. Rick Perry answers a question from the audience Wednesday at a town hall campaign stop in Nashua, N.H., before the airing of his appearance on FOX News with Sean Hannity.
“This president has never felt that angst that they have in their heart,” he added, referring to the nation’s 14 million unemployed. “And I think he’s always, when he has had problems, he’s always pointed to somebody else and said it’s their fault, not mine.”
Obama’s rise to the presidency was powered in part by his personal narrative as the son of a young white mother who was at times dependent on food stamps after her black husband deserted her. Obama later went on to become the first black president of the Harvard Law Review.
Perry, who grew up poor in rural Texas and frequently jokes about his poor college grades, added in his interview with Hannity that Obama’s perceived intellect has contributed to the decline of the United States in its relationships with other nations.
“His thinking that he’s the smartest guy in the room has hurt America around the world, particularly when it comes to foreign policy. And I think that mentality of ‘I’m the smartest guy in the room and therefore it couldn’t be my fault’ is really hurting America. And we need a president who has been through their ups and downs in life, and understands what it’s like to have to deal with the issues in our economy that we have today in America.”

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REPLACE GOP DEBATES WITH PUMPKIN CANNON CONTEST

Would you rather hose out your cat litter box than watch another “I’m dumber and more Stone Age than you are” GOP debate? You’re not alone. How about midget wrestling? Pumpkin cannon contests? Now you’re talking. Right wing change, like farts after a frijole eating contest, is in the wind.

Here we are, this morning in America, where it’s getting easier and easier to buy a gun than it is to vote. The mob is cheering to let uninsured sick people die but shouting support of the poor endangered, much maligned sea turtle — wait, no, I mean oil companies.

Have you noticed that whenever there’s a GOP debate, the TV ratings for shows like Swamp People, America’s Funniest Home Videos and Do-it-Yourself-Hemmorrhoid-Removal are in the single digits? Just last night outside a sports bar a mob of people watching mating dogs immediately disbanded as soon as the GOP debate began.

Down in Mississippi, the Personhood backers are unbowed after their gut-wrenching repudiation by their saner neighbors. The spokesperson for the group, who is actually a pool of unidentified semen and an egg of indeterminate species, backing an all-pet-rock slate of candidates for 2012. After this announcement, the group’s spokesperson, who contacted the media from a petri dish in an unspecified location, refused to answer questions.

Mitt Romney has not backed down on his “Corporations are people, my friend,” statements, either. While in a legal sense, the statement is more or less accurate in certain legal situations, the reaction has been widespread shock. It’s not what he said, exactly, but the way he said it, that made him seem like such a tone deaf doofus. Remember that geeky principal in high school, the one who told all the longhairs that they had to go get hair cuts before they could come back to school, that they’d only miss one class if they went immediately and got it done? And when one of them said, But it’s Monday, and the barbershops are closed, this jackass, instead of admitting he was wrong, called the barber at home and begged him to open his shop for a couple of hours? (Maybe you don’t remember, but this actually happened to me, in Johnson City, Texas 1972. In a strange bit of irony, the principal’s first name was Perry. But I digress.) Anyway, Mitt Romney is that kind of vapid, shapeless, air-headed candidate.

So anyway, if you’re a corporation, and you want to suppress the voting rights of poor Americans, Mitt feels your pain. Corporations need much less regulation. Poor people, women’s bodies, etc., those things need much more regulation.

This just in, Rick Perry says that when he’s elected president, he’ll disband Department of Commerce, Education and… and, uh, oh yeah, the Environmental Protection Agency. Certainly it would be weird if the Executive Dunce of Texas was a big backer of Education. He’d replace Commerce with a drive-in gun shop. Apparently his claim that the EPA is nothing but a job-killer is based on a peculiar mathematical equation. See, if the EPA did not regulate things like DDT, toxic waste, the draining of every estuarial body that nurtures aquatic life, and things like that, an X number (somewhere in the multiple millions) would die every year, some of them from horrid birth defects and diseases that blossom from chromosome damage and/or early exposure to poisons in the womb. So if you subtract all those dead people from the population, you somehow come out with more jobs for the mutants who survive. Plus some of those people, having extra digits, tails, two heads, etc., they could be extra productive on certain jobs. A little known fact is that Perry blames endangered brain eating cave fish for his recent poor debate performances.

Rumor has it that the GOP has considered alternatives to the debate format, since the candidates have only managed to illustrate their shortcomings while also revealing the Tea Party crowd to be somewhat Neanderthal (although the Neanderthal Defamation League has filed a libel suite over such claims). Possibly the next GOP debate will involve competitive events such as harvesting bull semen, administering an enema to an elephant and last but not least, midget wrestling.

An idea was floated about replacing the GOP debates with shooting midgets out of cannons, but when it was revealed that Herman Cain had made unwanted sexual advances to 4 out of 5 of the proposed cannon fodder the idea was dropped. (As we went to press, a new rumor came out about the pizza man. Apparently, before pushing 999 at every opportunity, it was just 69. But we digress.).

Now it looks like the GOP candidates will compete in the building of pumpkin launchers, which could be either any type of cannon, trebuchet, or giant sling shot. Perry’s idea of using hydrogen bombs packed in a toilet was nixed, however, as were several other ideas floated by New Gingrich, Ron Paul and Rick Santorum — ideas which we would rather not visualize here.

Perry followed up his most recent debate debacle by vowing that, once he becomes “Czar or King or whatever the heck it is,” he will disband those pesky agencies he mentioned, including the EPA, and will launch an energy policy of “Drill, baby, uh, uh, you know, you know, whatever…”

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