NEVER GIVE A CAT YOUR ATM PASSWORD

jesse sublett + noir author

When Chavez was “escorted out” of Erdut Castle, somewhere in Croatia.


“Hello?”
“Sounds like I woke you up.”
“Not really. I mean, it’s four A.M. but I’m not doing anything. Just lying here.”
“I need a ride.”
“Where are you? Normally you wake me up meowing before dawn for your morning sardine, but yesterday I overslept. I thought maybe you were sitting on the black Eames chair and I just didn’t see you.”
“Very funny. Next thing you’ll be saying all black cats look alike. I’m somewhere over here in Eastern Europe. I forgot the name. It’s a castle.”
“Hmm. Must be cold and damp.”
“I’ve got a blankie, but the wifi is lousy. I just remembered, it’s called Erdut.”
“Erdut? That’s in Croatia. What are you doing there?”
“You said I’m self-absorbed, I’ve got no feelings. You said I must be from the planet where that cat-eared guy on Star Trek is from.”
“You mean Spock?”
“Yeah, that dude.”
“Listen, Chavez, you must have catnip in your ears. I said you must be Vulcan, not Balkan. You went to the wrong place.”
“Oh, whatever, but the beds are nice. You gotta come get me, though. The house security guard had me ‘escorted out,’ whatever that means.”
“I can’t imagine why they would do that.”
“It’s a long story. There’s a small dog and a few dead finches involved.”
“Right. At least with your black fur, no one can see the bruise from the boot print on your little butt.”
“Speaking of black, just have the limo pull around the back and have the driver text me when he gets here.”
“Right. Anything else?”
“You know what.”
“Have the sardine can open. I know how you hate to wait.”
“Cool. I’ve almost got you trained. By the time I’m 30 years old, you might be a professional caretaker.”
“Joy.”
“It’s important to have goals.”
“I gave up on that the day you showed up on the back wall.”

So that’s my story. Moe Chavez at Erdut Castle. He’s been thrown out of the best places on five continents and several of Austin’s most desirable addresses.

PS: My latest novel, Grave Digger Blues, is selling by the dozens at BookPeople and South Congress Avenue Books. Thanks for your support, noir fans. And The Skunks are playing again Saturday, June 29, at the Continental Club, at a benefit show, featuring a slew of U18 bands, at what is called Youngbloods Music Fest. The Skunks are at the bottom, and you may need a magnifying glass to see our name, with the wavy aroma lines around it, a joke that was stale in 1978, but whatever. We’re playing for a good cause, and art is its own reward, right? Come see my terrible self, the indestructible Jon Dee Graham, and our guest drummer, William Mansell, a fine musician whose been a pal of ours since before Attila the Hun stopped going barefoot every summer.
Cheers,
Jesse

the Skunks, who helped put Austin on the rock n roll map

The Skunks, May 12, 2013

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